Stop Domestic Violence: February 2012

Monday, February 27, 2012

Stop Domestic Violence

STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Sunday, February 19, 2012

How To Spot Domestic Abuse

While domestic violence typically refers to physical abuse in a relationship, there are other types of domestic abuse that can be just as damaging. This entry will bring awareness to all types of domestic abuse and how to recognize the signs of domestic abuse. At times, victims of domestic abuse may be in denial or oblivious to the fact that they are in an abusive relationship.

Here is a chart from www.helpguide.org that helps you recognize signs of domestic abuse:

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings	Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Do you: feel afraid of your partner much of the time? avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? feel emotionally numb or helpless?	Does your partner: humiliate or yell at you? criticize you and put you down? treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see? ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? blame you for their own abusive behavior? see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats	Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner: have a bad and unpredictable temper? hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? threaten to take your children away or harm them? threaten to commit suicide if you leave? force you to have sex? destroy your belongings? If you or someone you know can answer "yes" to most of these questions then they are victims of domestic abuse and you and/or them should get help immediately! This same site also provides resources to get help and information for victims of domestic abuse: In an emergency: Call 911 or your country’s emergency service number if you need immediate assistance or have already been hurt. Helplines for women: In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247. Canada: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010. Australia: call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732. Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis centers. Helplines for men: U.S. and Canada: The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women UK: ManKind Initiative Australia: One in Three Campaign For a safe place to stay: In the US: visit Womenslaw.org for a state-by-state directory of domestic violence shelters. Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of shelters.	Does your partner: act excessively jealous and possessive? control where you go or what you do? keep you from seeing your friends or family? limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? constantly check up on you?

Whitney Houston: Gone Too Soon

WHITNEY HOUSTON: GONE TOO SOON

In light of the recent passing of America's sweetheart, Whitney Houston, I thought I'd dedicate this blog to her struggle

with life, love, domestic abuse, drug abuse, and more. It is unfair to say that Bobby Brown, Houston's estranged husband, is responsible for her death because of domestic abuse because that was not the case. However, it is no secret that their relationship was a major turning point for her and together they were dysfunctional, drug using, and violent. For the sake of this blog's topic of domestic violence, I'd like to highlight how deeply some people are effected by domestic abuse in any form which we all observed with Whitney Houston.

Houston's prolific career started early on when she was just 14 years old as a backup singer on the single "Life's A Party" by Michael Zager's band. Whitney Houston also sang backup for greats such as Chaka Khan, Jermaine Jackson, and Lou Rawls. Before Houston's singing career blossomed, she was successful as a model and broke racial barriers when she was one of the first women of color to be on the cover of popular magazine, Seventeen. Her legendary singing career began in 1983 when an A&R rep for Artista Records saw her performing at a nightclub in NYC and persuaded Clive Davis to watch her perform. Impressed, Davis signed Houston to Arista and that was the beginning of her singing career that would eventually take a turn for the worst. Houston's role in The Bodyguard as a star who develops a love for her bodyguard who is hired to protect her from a stalker, is probably the most memorable presentation of Whitney Houston to people across the world. She touched our hearts in this film. The same year that The Bodyguard was released is also the same year that Houston tied the knot with longtime boyfriend and R&B singer, Bobby Brown. Their tumultuous marriage lasted 15 years and was nothing short of a spectacle that included heavy drug use, physical abuse, psychological abuse, and other bizarre behavior. The world watched as their once sweetheart deteriorated into someone distant and beyond the help of loved ones.

The Daily Beast's website recalls Whitney & Bobby's troubled marriage: "by the mid-2000s, Houston had endured a roundelay of rehab stays. She admitted she made habitual use of marijuana and crack and specified that Brown’s highs of choice were alcohol and marijuana laced with cocaine." The article goes on to say: "In 2003, police responded to a domestic-violence 911 call to their Georgia home and discovered Houston with a bruised cheek and a cut lip. Brown subsequently turned himself in and was charged with misdemeanor battery for striking the superstar and reportedly threatening to 'beat her ass.'” That is just two of many incidents that took place in their entire relationship. This was a classic case of a man threatened and jealous by his spouse's success and attention and using abusive tactics to control and bring down his spouse. We witnessed the effects of the drug abuse, physical abuse and psychological abuse done to Houston by Brown. There were many times where Bobby Brown publicly humiliated and disrespected her and each time, Houston remained loyal and would go back to Brown who she admitted was "her drug." Despite the eventual divorce between this famously troubled couple, Whitney Houston was never quite able to recover and get her life back in order. The lasting effects of such a traumatic and abusive relationship were evident and she continued to abuse drugs and act strangely in interviews, appearances, and so on. Her shining light and charm had been robbed and she struggled to regain the magnetic effect that she once easily had over so many of us. She had broken hearts across the world who watched her deteriorate over the years that were always praying for her recovery, her comeback and her once compelling spirit. We all rooted for Whitney and were saddened by every report that showed her continuing to allow Brown to victimize her and suck the life out of her. Whitney Houston lost her battle and broke the world's heart on February 11, 2012 when we learned that she had been found dead in the bathtub of her Beverly Hills Hotel room. An iconic, legendary, once so perfect woman that we loved to love and simply could not get enough of had lost her battle against herself. The effects of an abusive relationship now entombed were everlasting and destructive. We probably won't ever forget the modern day Bonnie & Clyde relationship that Houston & Brown had, and we may never forgive Brown for his role as abuser nor may we ever forgive Houston for not recognizing the power and beauty she had that we all saw before leaving us. One thing we should all learn from this tragic story is that domestic violence/abuse should never be taken lightly no matter how strong or capable we think the victim is.

Saturday, February 19, 2012, an iconic entertainer made her final debut. Whitney Houston's funeral was available to watch live stream across the networks and there's no doubt that most of us were tuned into that spiritual, emotional home-going. I certainly was tuned in for the entire service and it was nothing short of profound and spiritual for me. There were tears, laughs, and maybe even feelings of anger experienced through the course of Houston's home-going. Our favorite American sweetheart, Whitney Houston, has been laid to rest and we got to say goodbye to a woman who once was strong, beautiful, talented, charming, and fierce in such a classy way.

May your troubled soul finally be at peace, Whitney. We love you.

Whitney Elizabeth Houston

August 9, 1963- February 11, 2012

Resources:

1. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/02/12/inside-whitney-houston-s-violent-marriage-to-bobby-brown.html

2. http://werepair.org/blog/in-memory-of-whitney-houston-volunteer-to-help-people-facing-domestic-abuse/11011

3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whitney_Houston#1992.E2.80.931994:_Marriage_to_Bobby_Brown_and_The_Bodyguard

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Men Hurt Too

When you think about domestic violence, who do you first imagine as victims?

More so than not, we assume that domestic violence is a crime against women. We imagine helpless, battered women who suffer abuse from their spouses or partners. While it may be more common for women to be the victims of domestic violence, it does not take away from the pain suffered by many men who are victims of domestic violence.

Victims of domestic violence have to deal with adverse effects that abuse causes, no matter the gender.

There is a website dedicated to covering the issue of battered men. The site is called: MenWeb. On this website, there is loads of information regarding battered men. When you click the link, one of the first things you see on the top center of the page is:

Battered Men - The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence
835,000 men battered each year, silent too long …

One victim is too many so 835, 000 is painful to see. It's great to see that there is support, resources and help available to our male victims also. On MenWeb, you will find facts about domestic violence against men, survivor stories, coping skills, help, other resources and so much more. If you are a male victim of domestic violence or know of anyone who is, you NEED to seek help. This site will offer you (or loved one) the support, resources and help that you or your loved one will need to overcome this.

It is always easier said than done, and I imagine that some men may have an even harder time admitting that they are victims of domestic violence because of certain stereotypes that society places on us all. If you or your loved one feels that way, then visiting this site and reading the stories of people in similar situation may help you or your loved one understand that they are not alone and this is in fact a lot more common than we realize… and that there IS help available.

For more information, visit MenWeb's site, here is the link:

MenWeb

Did you know…?

Did you know that:

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime
NCADV states that most domestic violence cases are never reported to the police.
The Clark County prosecuting attorney's (CCPA) website reveals that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 to 44 in the United States, more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined
NCADV reports 85% of domestic violence victims are women
CCPA reports that there are 1,500 shelters for battered women in the U.S. while there are 3,800 animal shelters.
One woman is beaten by her husband or partner every 15 seconds in the United States (Uniform Crime Reports, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1991)
According to MenWeb, 835,000 men are battered each year due to domestic violence
MenWeb reports that every 38 seconds, a man is battered somewhere in America
CCPA reports that children who witness violence at home display emotional and behavioral disturbances as diverse as withdrawal, low self-esteem, nightmares, self-blame and aggression against peers, family members and property.